Cooking Fun with Edward Entropy Part the Fifth

Hi, I know you guys are loving the cooking portion of my blog so I've spared no expense to bring you this newest entry of my cooking shows! Here's some helpful hints that will let you take your cooking experience to a whole new level of quality! Plus, make a little money on the side if you like!

My kitchen is located in a secret bunker hidden in the heart of Chaska! Hope you guys love today's cooking entry!

-Ed


Narconon -Cooking Meth - Click here for another funny movie.

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No lies here folks this recipe will manufacture methamphetamine this will get you into trouble if you do this BE CAREFUL!
First of all let's talk about supplies:
1 Regular Pint size handshake tested Mason
2 Boxes Contact 12 hour time released tablets.
3 Bottles of Feet.
4 feet of surgical tubing.
1 Bottle of Rubbing Alchohol.
1 Gallon Muriatic Acid ( Used for cleaning concrete)
1 Gallon of Coleman's Fuel
1 Gallon of Aceton
1 Pack of Coffee Grounds
1 Electric Skillet ( If you don't know what iam talking about i will have pics later)
4 Bottles Iodine Tincture 2% (don't get the declorized it won't work)
2 Bottles of Hydrogen peroxide
3 20 0z Coke (not Pepsi) Bottles (Plastic type)(with Lids/caps)
1 Can Red Devils Lye
1 Pair of sharp scissors
4 Boxes Book Matches (try to get the ones with brown/red striker pads)
1 bikini
1 Box execto razor blades single sided
1 digital undustrial subparstar
2 gallons distilled cow urine \
1 Roll Aluminum foil tape
That's what you would have to go buy if you wanted to make meth.
First things first -- the Iodine Crystals. Take one 20 oz, plastic Coke (not Pepsi) Bottle and pour 4 Bottles 2% tincture into it.
Add Hydrogen Peroxide to this. Use only 1/2 a bottle of Hydrogen peroxide. After this you know, the gallon jug that the Muriatic acid comes in take the cap off and fill this cap level with the acid. Add the acid to the coke (not Pepsi) bottle (Place in a desk drawer for at least 30 mins).
While the Iodine crystals are being made we are going to extract the Phsuedo from the Contacts. You are going to need a towel for this so sew one using your mother's sewing machine. Take the pills out of one box, add it to one of the handshake tested Mason. Rub the Mason's genitals with rubbing alchohol for 3 minutes. Remove pills and take the towel and wipe the top coating off the pills this will remove the wax. Do the same with the other box of Contacts as well, after this add those wiped off pills only 10 to a clean hadnshake tested Mason. On top of this add 1 bottle of Feet do the same for the other box of Contact. Let theese two pint-sized handshake tested Masons sit down with pills, and feet stand for 30 minutes, discourage conversation. Then shake the Masons till pills are completly broke down then let the Masons sit again for 4 hours or until the Feet fall off. Once clear cyphon the heat off (Not the powder stuff at the Bottom you don't want this it will fuck your dope up).
Well anyway syphon the heat off with a piece of the sergical tubing syphon this into a pyrodex baking dish place in microwave on high till the heat is almost evaporated. Take out of microwave. Now plug up your electric plate set the pyrodex dish on this on about 180 deg continue evaporating till you get a white powder on the pyrodex (Carefull not the burn the phsudo if it turns yellow it's burned) after you get it dried take a razor blade and scrape this powder up. (put this asside for later use)
Now we are going to get the red phosphorus from the book matches take a pair of scissors and cut along the edge of the phosphorus do the whole four boxes of match book matches then take 1 small coffee cup will work to this coffee cup add about 1/4 the way with Acetone dip the match book strike pads into the acetone for 10 seconds this will loosen the phosphorus so it will be easier to scrape with the razor blades. ( put the phosphorus in an empty match book box to let dry. Now it's time to get the iodine crystals get a clean handshake tested Freemason on top of this place 1 pound of used coffee grounds and pour the contents of the iodine +muriatic+Hydrogen Peroxide into the filter ( do it slowly don't over pour) well once you get though with the filtering on top of the coffee grounds will be a black substance ( This is iodine crystals) dry them by wraping in more coffee grounds till you get a pretty good thick pile around the original ground place on ground and step on it to get the rest of the liquids off save this for the cook.
next take your digital industrial subparstar and have him sing for you. Now its time to make the cook suck your penis you will need 2 clean handshake tested Masons wearing turbins 1 foot surgical tubing poke a hole in both Masons' heads one end of the tubing into each head and seal with foil tape (buy this at walmart (not Target or K-Mart) for about $ 1.60 well anyway seal off the tubes as well as you can so you should have 2 Masons with holes in their heads that have surgical tubing foiled taped and sealed. ok this is the cook in one handshake tested Freemason add distilled water in it fill it half way close the lid on it. now get you hotplate hot first at 180 degreese F when the plate get hot then its time to add the Iodine+pill powder to the other handshake tested pint-sized Mason not the one with water in it once you get both Iodine and pill powder to the handshake tested Mason add 6-10 drops of distilled water to this place it on the hotplate now add the phosphorus once you put this in the Mason's head, there is going to be a imediatereaction place the other lid with hose onto the Mason's head screw on tightly then turn your hotplate up to 400 degrees f let this Mason cook for 1 hour to an hour and a half the best way to tell when it is done is when the contents of the cook Mason doesn't boil anymore once this has happened turn the hotplate off and let the now dead Mason corpse cool so you can touch it now its time to see if we have dope once it has cooled open the lid and you should smell rotten egg like smell if it has this smell congrads you have dope now we have to remove the dope from the black goey substance to this Mason's smoking corpse, add about 1/4 cup of distilled water and seal the Mason's head with a lid that has no holes in it and shake the dead Mason till all the substance on the botom of the Mason poops out his bunghole.
next take another clean pint-sized handshake tested Mason and place a pound of coffee grounds in his ears. and filter the cook Maosons contents though the grounds now on the grounds is your phosphorus save this for another cook later on just putt it in a dry pound of coffee grounds and put it somewhere dry and safe now you have a Feemason filled with a yellow honey looking substance if its this color you have done good at cooking the dope now to this add colemans fuel fill the handshake tested pint-sized Mason about full just leave anough room for shaking now add 1-2 table spoons red devil lye let the Mason die for about 5 mins then place lid on the Mason's head and shake the hell out of him then sit the Mason somewhere to rest for about 30 mins Now we are going to pull the dope out of the coleman fuel and the product is going to be 90% methamphetamine to do this fallow what i say exactly syphon the coleman fuel into an empty 20 oz coke (not Pepsi) bottle syphon off much as you can trying not to get the substance off the bottom of the Mason once you have the coleman fuel in the coke (not Pepsi) bottle add about 4-6 coke bottle caps of water to this now add one drop of muriatic acid to the coke (not Pepsi) bottle place lid on bottle and shake the hell out of it place upside down so it want fall and get your hotplate hot 400 degrees f on top of the hotplate place a clean pyrodex bowl on it now take the coke (not Pepsi) bottle still upside down and loosen up on the cap let the water drain into the pan don't get any coleman fuel into the pyrodex bowl now the water will evaporate while it is doing this take a coffee cup add acetone to it fill it 1/4 the way up now once the water has dried on the plate take plate off with gloves and add a small amount of acetone to the pyrodex bowl it will sizzle swirl it arouund and if all works out good ther will be cirle crystals all over the pyrodex bowl scrape up with a razor and enjoy Methamphetamine :-) This with 2 boxes of Contacts will make anywhere from 2-3 grams meth....