Bibble Study pt 4 The Tower of Babalon

Here's another grate story from the bible.  Babalon was a horny chick who Aleister Crowley liked to have sex with.  She built a really big tower so that everyone could see her boobs and also so that she could claim to have a bigger rod than any of the guys she knew.  Well, God had been frequently having "relations" with this chick Babalon so he was perty pissed when she was saying all this shit about having the biggest rod.  So God came down hard on the smiting side, he went outdoors and opened up his car and got out a big jug of liquid plumber which he then poured down all the Aquaducts of Babalon's home city.  The Aquaducts had long been clogged and when all the water flooded out the shift in ground pressure caused the foundation of Babalon's tower to fall down, killing her and just about everyone else in her town.  God thought that was pretty funny and I don't blame him for that.  The moral of this story is never say that your dick is bigger than God's.  It's not.  God's got the biggest dick in town!

Bibble Study Pat Three: Loaves and Fishees

One of my favorite of the Bibble stories is the story of Violent J and the loaves and fishees.  At the Gathering of the Juggalos, the Mormon Juggalos were sad because they only had loaves and fishees while all the other hot Juggalos and Juggalettes had beer and meth.  Well, Violent J (J for Jaysus) saw the sorrow of the Mormon Juggalos and Juggelettes and spake thus unto them; "Be not sad my beautiful Juggalos and Juggalettes, I am Vilent J the light and way to our Lord Godz yo!  If thou layest down thy loaves and thy fishees I will work miracles unto them if only it is that you believe." 

Angry Boner, a Mormon Juggalo spake thus in return; "Violent J, I hear your words unto us and yet I call bullshit.  Even the amazing poer of the Lord God as it moves through you and all the Insane Clown Posse be not enough to transmute the base lame shit into hot drugz and booze." 

It came to pass that Vilent J then delivered the message of the Lord's wrath unto Angry Boner by beating his ass unto the ground. 

"Be there any more unbelievers among you?" Asketh J.  The other Mormon Juggalos shook their heads and with a wave of his wand Violent J worked magic unto the loaves and the fishees and brought in their place delicious Papst Blue Ribbon Beer and Skrank in their stead.

It was a time for rejoicing!

The moral of this Bibble story is that it would be most sad to be at the Gathering of the Juggalos without booze and skrank.

Pat the Red Seas! (bibble study pt 1)

The patting fo the red seas was a very improtant time for Mosis.  The sea was full of water when he and his tribe of robots needed to get across to escape from the forces of Skeletor.  Mosis could pray better than anyone else because of a prayermachine that he robotically installed into his larynx.  God was so impressed by the perfectly pitched autotuned prayer that he split the red sea into two so that Mosis and his tibe of Mositron280s could get away from the legions of Skeletor.  THe message fro this Bibble passage is taht it's important to be up to date on your software updates!