Edward's Entry

Greetings everyone. This is gothic subparcar Eddward Dntrophy.

I found out recently that I am fighting the Bipolar duel. Bipolar and A-holeism. When I tried to tell my dad he said he doesn't want to hear about my problems. He does not want to accept my disease. The other day when I spoke to him I tried to say that I crossed out the past and was moving towards the future. He just got up and left the room. Just like when I finished my time at the mental hospital when I committed myself after the frenzy drinking for two weeks and then thought about it. Suicide. Thankfully I did not cross that bridge because of the intervention of the ture power from above.

Even now I have fallen into the allusions on how now brown cow I was and how solitary I felt. I fear the lost relations of 13 YEARS rising like a long dead spectre and at the same time my son has enlisted into the army on a six year campaign. Six long years. I could not begin to unravel me. I began drinking to stop the sensations that I had. The anxiety alone would keep me up for days, no, years. Therefore I drank for around 2 -3 years, twenty-four hours in a row. Then at night, all finished, I would hang upside down from the rafters and attempted to cut my wrist. But something arrives and rather calls a favor, not my parents. My friend calls the treatment. And I went then to the hospital where I remained for 7 weeks. My Dad at last went when the court orders that I had a problem. Nevertheless, I always drink, that does not think that I drink, I do and am. I insinuate again, but loyal blog readers listen. I do not want to injure you or your loved ones.

I spoke with my mom this morning of my conversation with my dad and of her opening in front of me in fact. She told me she had cried and had balanced one leg in wide empty space for no reason. Therefore we spoke and she listened and I listened. I do not speak to my father ordinarily because she obtains the knowledge from him and passes it onto me through shared genes. I am aware of his plans through her plans.

The last year I began accepting theses facts, because I took a good long look at everything, the lost relations, the suicidal thoughts, the crazy just thoughts, the bull running at night under the moon. I calculated there is some type of problem and it impairs me. But then this wasn't even published until now. I wanted to deny it to spare you, the readers of edentropy.blogspot.com, my pain. When I was in re-education they gave me the Lithium axil. I was doped out. I took lithium a little until I went to another doctor and they said it was not a party drug. I don't touch any drugs that I can't take at the clubs. Therefore I was put on Lexapro, Celexa and then Prozac.

One evening my father told me that my mom was sad. The blood passed from mother to son. It was? Or is this? He said, "She is just depressed, this is the golden age". But the Dad that was there is a long time from the Dad that I knew. You said that and Mom just sits all alone in the rear and cries and cries. When we spoke this morning she said this is because she felt powerless and all alone. That is the feeling that has been passed to the son. Therefore we spoke. If I cut off the head then I will reverse the curse.

Yesterday I went to look for my car and had nothing but problems. They wanted to rinse my radiator, clean my motor, etc., they really took me for a ride. After the inspection I went on the other side of the street to the store of nutrition and when I pulled out my tire was flat. Did they do it? It was my thought and I intended to go with it. I'll never visit the Big Valley Dodge Auto store again.

I lie a lot. I act. Why you might ask? Because I live in another world besides my clean one. I am the negative one while cutting down below as the positive one attempts to keep the balance up above. I think I did this at first to grab the madness. I want to run and not treat it. Treating it makes it real.